iAm Alone?
by Talia Nevana
Summary: Carly is getting serious with a new boyfriend, and when he says he loves her, she's thrilled. But is he just using her? And can she count on her friends when tragedy strikes? Creddie/Seddie friendship and maybe Creddie moments.  Rated T for sex references
1. Reminiscences

**iCarly-iAm Alone?**

**Author's Note-Another inspiration hit while still writing the 5th chapter of iNever Got Over You. Please read and enjoy! I write for you guys, so your opinions are appreciated.**

**I DO NOT OWN iCARLY or its characters. NO copyright infringement intended.  
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_**Chapter 1~Reminiscences**_

_**My door is locked. The lights are out, all except for my bedside lamp. It's pouring wet outside my window, as always. I hardly ever notice it. But now...this evening... the constant dreary patter on the window, the gloomy grayness of the sky, only enhance my mood. **_

_**I'm lying on my stomach, wrapped in a dark red blanket, clutching my Church Pants pillow. There's a cup of cocoa on my bedside table, but I haven't touched it. **_

_**Tissues all over my quilt, my pillow. The floor. But not even a factory full of Kleenex could help me. I feel like I'll never stop crying. But they aren't gushing out of my eyes now. They're just sliding out, one by one, each stinging my cheeks as they roll down my face and drip from my chin. My stomach feels like someone used it for a punching bag. And I'm not going to look at my face. Not now, not ever.**_

_**On top of everything, I threw Sam & Freddie out of our apartment, and subsequently cancelled our iCarly brainstorm session. And ran up here and locked myself in. Just threw them out without a word about why. **_

_**That word, why.**_

_**Why am I like this?**_

_**Let me try to answer that for you.**_

_One Month Ago_

It was a Monday, at 3 pm. I had just been let out of school, and I was having a last-minute chat with Freddie and Sam before I went to meet my boyfriend at the Groovy Smoothie.

My boyfriend, Jordan Fletcher. That's who this is really about, by the way.

Anyway, we were standing by the bus stop, bein' silly. Sam was intent on eating her after-school sandwich she saves for this time of day-today it was pastrami on rye with everything except mayo. Sam says mayo hides the flavor of the meat. Freddie was checking the stats on his new Pear-Pad. And I had something to tell them. I had been trying to decide how to spring it on them after Jordan proposed it, at lunch.

_"_I think I'm going over to Jordan's place after the Groovy Smoothie, guys," I said, unable to hide the excitement in my voice.

Freddie stopped typing and glanced at me. "Su lugar-_His_ place? What's wrong with your apartment? Spencer's letting me be there anyway, getting set up for tonight's iCarly. And he could stay and watch."

I looked at my feet and shifted back and forth, unable to hide the smile on my lips. "Well, he's already been over a lot...and this time he said he wanted me to...um...see his room." I blushed.

Freddie's jaw dropped.

Sam almost choked on a piece of tomato. "His _room_? Carls, you guys have only been dating for 2 months, and no offense, but I thought you liked to take things slow!"

"Oh no, it's not like that!" I quickly answered, shaking my head. "You know Jordan's not like _that_. He understands my reasons for taking our time, and he supports me. He's been really sweet about it."

Freddie looked unconvinced. "Then why does he want you to "see" his room?" He made air quotes when he said it.

"Freddie, I know you're just looking out for me, but you don't have to now. Jordan is a great guy and he cares about me, and we're not going to do anything like you think we are."

"I don't think _you _will-it's him I don't exactly trust. Guys don't ask you to come to their house unless they want something. And it's usually one thing."

Sam watched us go back and forth in silence, still working on her sandwich.

"I told you, Jordan's NOT that kind of guy!" I said indignantly.

He shook his head. "You know I'm just trying to look out for you. I'm your friend, and _I_ care about you too."

"Since when did you act like her dad, Benson?" said Sam, finishing the sandwich.

"Oh, you're okay with Jordan, who we don't know very well, asking Carly to his _room_ so soon?" Freddie protested.

"Hey, I've met the guy, and I think he's cool. A good guy," she added, nodding at me. "And hey, I think I've taught Carly to fend for herself," she grinned.

I smiled. "I know you guys care about me," I said, touching Freddie's shoulder. "But I _am_ 16 now, I can make my own decisions. And I also trust Jordan. And he says now he's seen my house, he wants to show me his. Then he'll bring me home and we can do iCarly."

Freddie still looked unconvinced. "Are his parents going to be home?"

"Of course, he wants me to meet them. Look, Freddie, it's not like he asked me to move in with him or anything!"

He finally grinned, sheepishly. "Okay, I'm overreacting. I guess it's just-none of us has done something like this with someone we're dating before. It's a big step, and-I guess I don't like thinking about how old we are now. I mean, pretty soon Sam will bring guys home, and I'll have to figure out how to smuggle girls into my room-"

I laughed and punched his arm. "Yeah, right, Benson. You can barely get a date at Ridgeway-none of them are going to want to sneak past your psychopath mom to check out your nerd-geek room," Sam snorted.

"Sam, be nice to the Fredward!," I joked. "Look, don't worry about me, guys. I know it's kind of weird because just last year we were fresh in high school, and just trying out dating, and now we're old enough to get our licenses and-I'm going to my boyfriend's house." Freddie looked uncomfortable. "But it's not like we don't want to try out new stuff, right?"

"Speak for yourself, Carls-I know a thing or three you've yet to learn about," Sam said.

I looked at her in sudden panic. "What things? with who? Sam, what have you been doing?"

She sighed. "Carly, Carly. Remember I'm the bad girl from juvie with a family full of criminals (and proud of it), and you're the good girl with values who's teaching me to "respect" myself." She waved me away.

I was confused. "Don't tell me you're-you've been doing drugs?"

Sam looked hurt. "I didn't say I actually did anything!" I looked at her carefully. She sighed. "Okay, maybe I've tried a smoke now and then from those kids you say are a bad influence. _I _am a bad influence-no big deal! I'm just saying that compared to me, you guys belong in middle school still. 'Course it's not like Benson here's getting anywhere with girls no matter how old he gets..."-she reached over to give him noogies, but Freddie shoved her away. "Our bus is here, mis hijas," he said.

We gathered up our stuff, got on the bus, and chose a seat. Once the bus started, we all sat back and withdrew to our own thoughts in silence. Freddie had brought up something that'd hit home with me. It did feel like we were growing up too fast sometimes, I thought. Just the other day I'd watched a few of our old iCarly clips for nostalgia, and I'd been-amazed. We looked so young, so innocent and silly. Everythign was different now-well, not everything, but some. For one thing, Freddie and I had dated for one week, even though we were fine with friendship right now. Even in those old videos, I could see the way, when on-camera, Freddie had leaned towards me when I talked, the way he tried to stand as close as possible. It all seemed so juvenile now...now I had a steady boyfriend and I felt like I was ready to be serious with him. I was looking forward to this.

Soon the bus stopped at Bushwell Plaza to drop off Freddie and me. We waved to Sam as the bus pulled away, and then I saw Jordan's car parked on the curb. I couldn't see him through the light sprkinle of the rain, but he knew he was smiling at me, waiting to take him to his place and meet his parents-and see his room.

I took a deep breath. "See you this evening, Freddie," I smiled.

He nodded, again seeming ill at ease. "See you."

I nodded back, and walked confidently to Jordan's car. I was ready to do this. What I didn't know, was that this afternoon would change everything.

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think should happen at Jordan's house!**


	2. A Confession in Jordan's House

**iAm Alone?**

**Author's Note-Sorry this took a while. Also sorry to Creddies-this contains all Carly/Jordan relationship so far. You know how I love to take my time and develop my stories, so keep up with me-I promise you'll be rewarded. Remember I welcome all reviews and they help me write better stories, so don't hesitate to let me know what you think and if I made any mistakes. Thanks! :)**

**I still don't own iCarly. **

Chapter 2-A Confession in Jordan's House

I opened the passenger door, and got in Jordan's dark green Jeep. "Hey sweetheart," he smiled, and leaned over for a soft kiss. I touched his chin with my thumb, moving my lips against his, and inhaled his scent deeply-I could smell his aftershave, and the product he used to keep his clean cut neat and slick.

He stopped, and started the car. "Glad you could make it. My parents ordered pizza for us and they promise to stay out the way after the awkward first meeting so we can hang in peace." He grinned at me as he revved the engine. "Looking forward to my parents' appraisal of your acceptability as my girlfriend?"

I laughed. "It won't be much of a problem. I get that from Freddie's mom all the time."

We began driving to his place. "So...what did you wanna do while we're hangin' in your room?" I asked.

"Oh, not much. Listen to some tunes, watch videos on SplashFace, eat some pizza-whatever you want. We could pick up a movie on our way if you like." He tuned the radio to a soft rock station.

I smiled at him and nodded. "I like." As we drove through the afternoon Seattle traffic, I took in his appearance contently, his nice black jacket and relaxed jeans, the confident way he drove, and how, now and then. he would smile at me out of the corner of his eye. He always made me feel so protected, with his confidence, and I always had a strong sense of security with him. So I let him make the dates, decide how we'd spend our time together. He seemed to like being the one in charge, and I was content to give him that power. In a way, it was what I'd always preferred-let someone else drive, make the decisions. I wasn't a take-charge kind of person. Sam always said I was weak, but Freddie would say I was just not a leader personality.

After picking up a comedy at the Sockbuster, we drove through the more secluded neighborhoods of Seattle, with small, quiet homes and apartment complexes. It felt like comfortable suburbia. Jordan pulled up to a two-story house, red-brick with tasteful landscaping, that looked comfortable for a family of four (Jordan had a sister who was in college now). He parked the car in the driveway, jumped out of his seat and had the door open for me before I'd unfastened my seat belt. I smiled at him and climbed out. He always made those little gestures. The only other guy I knew who did that was Freddie, but of course Freddie had been trained since babyhood by his mother to be a gentleman. And he was naturally sweet. I wondered how this reflected on Mrs. Fletcher...I was reminded of Jordan's warning about her, and made a quick prayer I didn't mess up in front of her.

We stepped in the house. While Jordan shouted to his parents("Hey Mom! Dad! I brought Carly home! (to me) One sec, okay? I'll be right back.") and walked off to find them, I was left standing in the foyer, looking around. It was tidy, but not immaculate like the Benson apartment. Comfortable. I took a seat on the couch, and Jordan returned with his parents. Mr. Fletcher shook my hand and commented on what a "lovely young lady" I was, and retreated to the kitchen, while Mrs. Fletcher set down the pizza for us. Obviously she handled this kind of business. But she surprised me-all she asked was what grade I was in, how long we'd been dating, and what college I planned to get into. Routine stuff, right? (even though the college question was a little strange-I'm only 16). Then she said "Have a nice night, kids," and made her exit.

"You have a nice mom," I commented as we walked up the stairs to his room. "And you said she would give me the full interrogation!"

"I don't know, she's usually more drilling. Maybe you passed her test." He put his arm around my waist.

"Oh the test for your perfect girlfriend, huh?" I laughed, as he opened the door to his room.

"You passed _my_ test." He grinned, and waved his arm. "Sit where you like, I'll turn on some music."

I sat on his bed while he turned on his stereo, and looked around. It was pretty normal, for a teenage boy's room. Although I can't really judge, since the only one I'd seen so far was Freddie's. Instantly I remembered that week I'd spent a lot of time in his room. When he saved my life-stayed at home recovering-and the talks we'd had. The afternoon I made out with him for half an hour before his mom got home...I pushed back the memory. It felt so long ago. I watched Adam plug in his PearPod, and smiled. How different it was now. I was sitting in my boyfriend's bedroom, having a slice of pizza, playing it cool like this happened to me every day of the week. Though not with different guys, of course. I still believed in certain things...like saving myself for someone I'd known for at least a year and was serious with. And I wanted to be 17 or older. It was my private pact with myself.

Jordan turned on the movie, and we sat on his bed and watched it for the next hour. I leaned back against him, rested my head on his shoulder, as he kept his arm around me, stroked my arm absentmindedly with his thumb. I shifted my head into the crook of his neck, inhaled his faint cologne…I tilted my head to look up at him, and sensing my invitation, he leaned down to kiss me gently.

We immediately stopped paying attention to the comedy. As our kiss deepened, became more intense, I tangled my arms around his neck, as our tongues danced together…he pressed against me, pushing me against the wall, caressing my back, my sides, through my blouse. I could feel his heavy breathing as he kissed me more forcefully…and remembered where we were. I stopped the kiss and whispered "Jordan…your parents.." He smiled with his eyes closed and brushed his lips on my forehead. "The door's locked…it's okay.." His lips traveled all over my face, down to my neck…I could feel the body heat between us, around us, locking us together. I was a little unnerved-I'd never gotten so intense with a guy before. And now as he nuzzled my neck, he shifted his weight so he was almost lying on top of me, and his hips moved against my body, simulating something I'd definitely never done with anyone. Somehow his other hand had moved from the small of my back up to my bra, gently touching me. I wasn't sure what to do back-I simply lay there as he did these things to me.

And then he whispered in my ear. "Carly…oh Carly, I love you."

He loved me?

He leaned forward to kiss me again, but I finally moved, pressing my hands against his chest and gently pushing him off me. I got out from under him and sat up. "Jordan…we've talked about this…I thought you understood how I felt."

Jordan looked hurt. "I know we have, Carly. You know I would never push you to anything you didn't want to. I understand that you want to be in a serious relationship before we-"

I interrupted him. "Did you mean it?"

He hesitated, then looked me in the eye. "Yes. I meant it."

I looked down. "Wow. I guess we _are_ getting…serious."

Jordan stammered, "I…didn't know the right time to say it. I know girls..feel like it's a big thing, so I didn't want to mess it up." He looked at me carefully. "But I had to let you know how I felt."

I slowly smiled. "Jordan…that's so sweet…you don't know how much this means to me-"

He moved closer to me and touched my hand. "Actually, I do. I don't expect you to feel the same way for me this soon, and maybe it's too soon… "

So many emotions went through me at that moment. I remembered Freddie's first proclamations of love, and his many attempts after my rejection to make me feel that way about him too. I didn't want to put Jordan through the same pain. I'd never met such a sweet guy, save for Freddie, who I liked so much. And I knew what I said next could make or break our relationship.

That's why I did what I did next. I placed my hand over his, and smiled into his eyes. "Jordan, it's okay. I mean, it doesn't bother me, 'cause… I kinda love you, too."

His eyes lit up. I was too happy at his reaction to question the truth of my words. And we resumed where we left off, though this time being careful to keep it restricted to kissing in case his mom popped in.

And after our movie was over, he drove me home. His mom asked if I wanted to stay for dinner, but I declined, saying I had to meet my friends for our webshow. She seemed intrigued with that, so before she could start peppering me with questions Jordan had me out of the house and in his Jeep. When we got to Bushwell Plaza, he let me out and gave me a quick kiss. "When do you want to do this again?""Well, I won't be busy tomorrow afternoon…maybe you can come over here around 4?" I offered. He grinned. "Works for me-only, can you ask Sam and Freddie if they can not come over this time? No offense, but it would be nice to be..alone." He squeezed my hand.

I was reluctant, but agreed. Jordan seemed content. He kissed my cheek and then drove off. I walked into my building feeling a but guilty. My friends wouldn't like being told to stay away tomorrow, but I was sure it would be fine. They had to understand that Jordan and I were serious now. After all, we said we loved each other. _You don't get more serious than that_, I thought as I got in the elevator. And tomorrow we would my apartment to ourselves, to cuddle, and enjoy our new "seriousness". _Or something_. I smiled to myself.

Again, it still didn't occur to me to question why I'd said I loved him, when I didn't know if I did. I was too happy, too thrilled that my boyfriend said he loved me to care. I was already planning all the couple-y things we would do together, that couples did in the romantic movies I liked to make Sam watch with me. _And Freddie thought Jordan would try to force me to do something with him_, I thought. _What do they know!_

Indeed.

**Final note- Please R & R! I want to know what you think. Is Jordan really in love with her? Should he do something when they're alone the next day? How will Freddie feel about this? NEXT CHAPTER IN THE MAKING! **


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